Especially for ADI

You see the worst of me in your head
I see the best of me inside your eyes
But look hard in your heart
You will find me deep inside
You may not notice me loving you all the time
I always believe you will find me in love rhyme
For it might be later or before long you know
Anytime; autumn, summer, spring or snow
I can see your face when i close my eyes
Imagining how I could even tell lies
Lies that almost drifted us apart
Which I could possibly break the love art
Love art that has been painted itself since last 2 years
The beautiful painting that portrayed us
It was half damaged by my foolishness
Like huge wave hit the fortress
Fortress that protects your trust
Scathed trust and believe burned to black crust
Then I just realized one thing
"I have to stop dreaming"
"I cant have two men in my life"
Coz I ended up to be in a bee hive
Bees busied stinging me physically and emotionally
I found myself smothering down in an alley
You without hesitant came out of blue
You hold my hand and give no more clue
I promise not to cheat on you and on your soul
But I'm just an ordinary person dat is so less-ful
I owe you a mountain of apologies
Please..
Please..
I love you and i dont wana lose you anymore
Dont you ever walked out of my heart's door
Coz it might close forever for you......

YOU

i walked out of the door, walked out of ur life..
u never called me agn, never agn called me sweetpie..
i miss u more than my heart can tell, much2 more till u don wana know..
u blamed me, like i was d whole problem..
u are my whole-life problem, yet i still want u..
till now..
badly, desperately..
it was ur fault too, but i don care coz i love u..
u cast me out of ur life blatantly..
i was so confused n furious till i couldnt see..
i could see u but i couldnt look hard enough..
were u looking down upon me, coz its so rough..
i searched my heart deep down..
but nothing i have found..
im always hoping dat i could look into urs too..
see wat its like in ur lil heart till u hv guts to do..
do things dat make me lost my woo..
its hurting me n worn me off to deep blue..
im cold n i keep running back to u..
u owe me many things, answers n promises..
answer me clearly n don ever think about ur heart pieces..
u jz hv to remind urself dat u never give me any peace..
please, please, please..
let me live happily jz once, if more than 1 is too many for u..
y don u jz be frank to urself n to me..
i still feel d weird heartbeat now, like i was with u, jz u n me..
im not hoping dat u feel d same way..
coz i'll jz end up hurting myself like d old days..
like how u treated me aftr we splitted..
and now..
left me alone with my heart waiting to be fixed..

caroline

sy bsiar-siar dgn adi ptg td..
we met caroline..

who's caroline?
:)
caroline adalah seekor kuda yg sgt comel..
i dont know wats its gender but wen i called it caroline,,it followed me :)
it made all my probs flew away..
all conflicts, keep coming back wen i arrived home..
but thank God..
even it was jz a moment with caroline, i don care..
coz it really made me happy!

adakah sy penat ngn manusia?
sometimes..
penat sgt..

i wish i could have a horse, my own horse..
n i can call it caroline..
bila sy da kaye n ade kelapangan,,
i want to buy a beautiful, feminine, yet strong black horse..
:)

i jz love horses, like i love cats..
they are so adorable n understanding..
even they cant speak human language..

esok2 klu sy bsiar2, sy akn jenguk caroline lg..
i missed caroline already :(

::kawan::

hari ni sy hepy!
hari ni sy jmp liyana..
kwn sy yg sy knl mse form 5 kt tgb @ clasmate :)
we had a good laugh..
i jz realize how cute she is!
untung hosni ye :)
liyana makin cute coz die seriously da kurus..
cute?cantik kot!
:)

sy rndu sme kwn2 lme yg sy x jmp!
especially TGBrians n BPians..
i wish i could meet em everyday!
i told erin once,
"i suke ade sikit kwn coz i leh spend time byk2 utk dorg..klu ramai sgt nnt takot ade yg kecik aty klu sy x pay attention to em like d others.."
n i love to keep it dat way..
sy lg comfortable dgn kwn2 yg terima sy seadanye..

bile sy nk bbual, dorg akn stop buat bnd2 laen n i can talk to em for hours, klu dorg xde wat bnd pnting..
bile sy nk peluk dorg, they'll be there for me, even sometimes most of em jz give a mutual hug :)
bile sy sedih, dorg org pertama yg hidu kesedihan sy..
bile sy gile2, dorg akn try gile2 jgk cm sy menggile..
bile sy ssh, dorg akn try to be in my shoes n listen tolong mne yg mmpu..

sy juge akn sedaye upaye utk ade n jadi cmtu utk dorg..
sy xnk mention mne2 nme..
sy takut ade org kecik aty klu sy terlupe nk mention..
sy ssh nk bkwn..
org akn kte sy sombong coz sy ssh nk snyum dgn org yg x knl..
dgn org yg x knl, sy prefer tunduk je, xpndg muke dorg..
byk org da tegur sy bkelakuan cmtuh..
bkn sy x cube, tp da snyum tp dorg yg x snyum balik..
sy cukup pantang klu cmtuh..

sy ngade2 ngn org yg sy da rapat jer..
bkn sy pilih kasih, tp sy takot dorg xleh terima nnt..
sy x suke bile de kwn lempiaskn marah kt sy coz sy pon sdaye upaye utk x marah dorg bile sy moody..
wen i become such a hideous bitch, sy akn byk bdiam..
jgn tkot nk approach sy coz sy x mkn org..
makin sy peluk de la n nangis byk2..

sy bkn seorg kwn yg cukup baik tp sy akn sdaye upaye jd kwn yg baik..
maaf klu kamu sume rse sy x mncuba..
but i really try my best..
maaf klu sy bkepit ngn adi je..
some of u cm menyampah tgk ktorg asyk bkepit je..
tp die die bkn stkt boyfriend je..
sbb die seorg kwn yg plg baik sy pnh jmp..
he is one of my closest friend..
sy boleh tmbuk2 die, main pakau, sembang2..
ktorg bleh je ber"aku kau"..
selalu je cmtuh..

oopss..sy mention die bkn nk jd seorg yg pilih bulu ye!
contoh yg boyfie bkn boyfie je..

yg penting..
sy syg kwn2 sy..
even sy tau di klgn kwn2 sy yg x brape nk syg sy.. :)
haha
sy x kesah..

yg penting..
sy appreciate kwn2 sy..
even sy de gado ngn sorg kwn sy yg sy pnh appreciate sgt..
sy xtau nk wat ape ngn die..
bcoz now is so different..
die ssh nk maafkn org even punce gado tuh dari die.. :)
sy tetap nk bek ngn die..
tp mcm mne?
haiz..
salah sy juge coz xtau nk pujuk org..

appreciate n syg kwn anda semua sblom ape2 yg buruk trjadi..
true friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost..
cheers ppl!

awful

i couldnt describe my feeling right now, started like a week ago
certainly something more of like a state of psychic tension occuring in some forms of mental disorder
too many things cramp in my head
things vigor to be released in a very good manner
apparently,ppl are always longing for the good consequences of what they've done at their best
so do i
i hope i did my best

tawakkal
insyaAllah

in a very awful state of mind, im capable of:

1) punching someone in d face, twice, till my knuckles hurt; damn hard!
dont ever test my sanity if i was in a deep grieve, sad, anxious
u'll never know wat i can do right away, before long

2) crying before i totally asleep at night
wen i wake up, u can see how much my eyes can be very red n about to come out from its sockets

3) having mood swing like monkey never stop swinging
u can see me frantic like volcano eruptes wen d morning bursts
u can laugh along wen i giggle non-stop
n at any second u can see me having no expression at all

hafiq: hoping for d best, expect d worst.

what r u capable of wen u r in an awful state of mind?
wen u think it over n over agn, its not dat awful :)
its jz, u need to express it or hide it or pretend its never gona happen or etc.
right?
watever it is, put faith in Allah as He is the greatest n most powerful of all

toodles!

undisputed fact

korg mesti de habit pelik2 time kecik2 kn?
well..
I've got a number of funny acts wen i was a child.

1) sy sgt suke gesek(rub) tumit kt karpet sampai melecet..
xtau la nape.
even mak marah sbb bnd tuh melukakn diri sndiri,
i jz loved to do it!

2) sy suke stare lampu kt ceiling lme2..
weird huh?
sbb tuh mate sy rosak..
kot.

3) sy suke conteng dinding dgn kapur.
wen i draw ppl, i love to picturize d inner parts too!
get wat i mean?
like boobs n such.
i was the best at imagination wen i was a kid.

4) sy suke men beskal tga2 hari.
after lunch, after my mum was taking a short nap,
(mse tuh tggl mak n i je kt uma coz bro da skola time tuh)
sy akn tolak beskal sy snyp2 n pusing2 kt kwsn perumahan sy.
n dsbbkn jatuh beskal dlm longkang, kepale sy kne jahit.
habis gaun biru (which was my damn favourite!) kne darah.
tp sy x nangis.
mak sy je yg panic sgt.

5) sy suke men plasticine n wat karipap or burger.
then sy suke letak kt verandah uma,kt tempat pns.
konon2 cm masuk dlm microwave la.
kinda stupid tp cm bes.
plasticine tuh cair n melekat kt lantai n mak marah sy.

6) sy x suke mainan indoor sgt.
i prefer outdoor games.
sy suke merayau ikot abg sy.
men guli, galah pnjg, men beskal, men scooter,baling selipar,mnd ujan,men kt paye.
sy cm jantan sket.
x suke men ngn pmpn sgt sbb nnt dorg majok2 sy x suke nk pjuk.
tp sy de besties time umo 3-4 taun.
pmpn.
x igt da nme die.
ktorg suke men competition nyanyi2 cm Asia Bagus!
its kinda singing talent show bak then.
nyanyi kt luar uma die coz uma die cm de pondok kt luar.
nyanyi ats meja.
pastuh umo 5 taun,die pindah mne ntah.

7) sy suke tgkp spider kt bunge raye n simpan dlm casette case.
hbs tmpt cassete bapak sy.
sbb abg sy pon suke tgkp.
klu bapak sy mara, ktorg amek kotak mancis.

haaa...wat about ur cute story?macam bangang sket bile igt balik. its fun,tho. kalau org tny sy suke zaman yg mne, sy akn slalu ckp sy suke zaman sy kecik2. a memory is always be a fact!

random

Yeah..my life now is kinda relaxing n tranquilizing
without any schmuck who could possibly hurt me anytime,anywhere :)
Alhamdulillah..

Today is 1st of July
this means dat we are half way to 2011..
time flies, like spacecraft is shooting for d moon :)

Since last 2 days, its been under 0 degrees celcius
yep2!!its negative; after midnight..
macquarie sgt sejuk till i put my gloves n socks on before going to bed
me no likey!

anyway,,i love these few days at home..really love it..Alhamdulillah~~